MISCONCEPTION JOURNAL

I use to think love is forever. I took my relationships for granted, that life like yesterday would be like life tomorrow, but the past is no evidence of the future. My father had a stroke, my friends all moved away, my kids outgrew rocking. Now each cry, everyday, all the moments are precious as they are the last like this.

I use to think I should focus on my strengths and used my talents as a hint for what God wanted me to do. But I was wrong. If I am immortal God could give me any task and given the time I could be what ever I need to be to fullfill my purpose God gave.

I use to think I had a personality, it felt good to be described and having a people who were like me. But I was wrong. I'm not an introvert, I've simply dug an introvert path, so with effort and time I can cut a new path and discover new strength.

I use to think compliments encouraged mediocre behavior, but weakness is the root of all unfulfilled life. Be sure your words make people stronger.

I use to think if I studied succeessful people I could find THE RIGHT strategies, I followed their podcasts and discovered not only do experts strategies contradict with eachother, but they even contradict with themselves, doing the exact opposite of the previeous strategies. I use to think there was an ideal path to paradise, but now I see instead there are strenghts and weaknesses in each path and these need to be measured to determine which to use to compliment your own strengths and weakenesses.

When I was 16 I thought I knew it all. When I turned 17 I disprooved 16 me it was now that I understood truth, this continued for years into adulthood. I have disprooven warented pride as a possible achievement. I use to think these notes I'm taking will add up one day into a complete undebatable understanding and then I will publish that. But at this rate I would never share a thing. Now I think the best humans could do is setup feedback and iteration loops and share our works in progress in a humble way. Otherwise we would just come and go and never contribute to eachother.

I use to think grownups were set apart in expertise and maturity, but I'm an adult now and I still love playing, I'm an adult now and I don't have it figured out, I'm an adult now but I feel the same. I just use new mechinisms to avoid embarrisment, there is societal pressure that expects me to act a specific way, but it's a mask not who I am.

Grownup is an illusion.